


stars

by xoxogossipwolf



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Just to be safe, Panic Attacks, also, idk i just wanted to write about stiles and his panic attacks, trigger maybe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-19
Updated: 2013-07-19
Packaged: 2017-12-20 18:00:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 549
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/890197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoxogossipwolf/pseuds/xoxogossipwolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Stiles has panic attacks, sometimes he can breathe easy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	stars

Stiles doesn't know how the panic attacks are triggered, sometimes they just happen.  
  
One minute he’s fine and then he sees, hears, even smells something, and he’s off. Chest heaving with his painful breathing, nausea building in his stomach, terrible memories blooming in his head, and every normal, insignificant action feels painful.   
  
After the attack is gone he tries to think about what was happening in the moment just before. He tries to calmly and logically think about what changed, what small thing triggered his subconscious into a panic.   
  
Sometimes it's a smell. He sometimes thinks he can smell his mom’s old perfume when he walks into his house, the way she smelled when she enveloped him in her arms when he was having a bad day, the way her arms seemed to make things okay again no matter how bad they seemed before. Even though it's completely ridiculous because she’s been dead for so long and his dad packed her things up long ago because he couldn't bear looking at them, no trace of her smell remained in the house, and Stiles doesn't blame his dad one bit.

He just walks calmly to his room, closes the door and curls up into the tightest ball he can manage and just sobs, because it's all he’s able to do until the pain passes, has to hold himself together before he rips out of his skin.

Sometimes it's simply the way a woman’s hair is coming out of her pulled back hair, a few loose strands falling around her face, and Stiles is reminded so heavily of his mother and the way she used to look after a long day of running after him, that he has to rush outside or in a bathroom and just hug himself and just try to even out his breathing. Because he feels like he’s falling apart at the seams, and there isn’t a seamstress in the world who can sew him back together.

Sometimes the pain of his mom just being gone numbs him, to the point where he can’t get out of bed, even when his bladder feels like it's going to burst, Stiles just stares at his ceiling. At the glow in the dark stars his mom and dad put up when he was seven because he thought there was a monster under his bed. His mom stayed with him until he fell asleep for a week, telling him that even when he’s so lonely or so scared that he aches with it, he’s never alone because the stars are there. Always watching out for him. Keeping the monsters at bay.

Stiles occasionally likes to think of his panic attacks as his own personal monsters that the stars can keep away. 

Stiles doesn't really believe in any god but he believes in the stars, in his mom watching over him, up in the vast heavens of the inky sky. He believes in the stars and the power they hold and the way they calm him when he just needs something familiar and homey to look at. They remind him of his mom and all the good she had in her, all the good he hopes is in him, the good she saw. Sometimes Stiles can look at stars, and just _breathe_.

**Author's Note:**

> i just really felt the need to write about this idk so unbeta'd so anything wrong etc etc all on me.


End file.
